A Promise to my Stepbrother by Anne Burroughs

Author:Anne Burroughs
Language: eng
Format: azw3, epub
Publisher: Black Velvet Press
Published: 2016-07-07T21:00:00+00:00

22

Max

I sat for a long time on the futon with my head in my hands. I was sad, scared, ashamed, and powerless. How could I tell Katie that she was wrong? How could she possibly believe me? The way Erin was acting made it clear that we were having sex, even if we weren’t “officially” living together.

I wanted to tell her that it was all a mistake. I was an idiot, a loser—weak. Erin was gorgeous, and she wanted me. How could I say no to at least going down the path of spending time with her? And the moment I thought that, I knew the answer she would give: You just say no, Max, because you love me and that love is stronger than your weak male ego.

Shit, even the truth was ridiculously pathetic, words that I could never tell her—“Look, Katie, even as I was sitting with her I was thinking of you. I used her to channel you. Can you not understand that?”

That night I broke up with Erin. She screamed and threw a lamp at me.

“Are you fucking kidding me? I wait all this time to have sex with you out of some kind of bizarre acceptance of your hang-ups, and for my patience and devotion you walk out?”

The thing was, she was right. We had made out and gotten close to having sex, but I always pulled back. She was accepting and sensitive when were in those moments, and that just made things worse. On a certain level I think I wanted her to reject me, but her commitment to me was real, and I had to reject her.

So I did, and I felt awful about it. I seemed to mess things up with every woman in my life. I didn’t tell Katie. As we visited the Santa Monica pier and went out for meals the rest of the weekend with Mom and Dad, she glared at me the whole time, barely saying a word.

I could have told her I had broken up with Erin. I wanted to tell her. But she was my best friend, and I knew her better than anyone. I wouldn’t win her love back by pushing away someone else. I would only win her back by pulling her close.

But as I watched Mom and Dad laughing as the wind kept blowing his hat, I knew I couldn’t pull her close yet. I was still afraid that I’d say something or do something to mess it all up.

I hugged her at the airport and whispered in her ear as she pulled away, “I’m sorry.” She turned and walked toward security without replying. She never looked back.

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